Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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