duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
