if you like me you must not know who I am
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
