his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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