Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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