I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
