im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
