honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
