Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
