got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
