I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
