The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
