Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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