Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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