I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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