She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
