Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
