I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
