I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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