i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
