then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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