And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
no you cant smoke seaweed
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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