Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
