So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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