i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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