My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
