I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
