I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
