We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
