while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize