$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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