At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
