She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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