I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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