I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
