Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
