Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess