Who wears a wallet chain?!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
