Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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