She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
