went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
