the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
