Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
