somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
