Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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