Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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