I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
