I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
