Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
