Pregnant stripper...not hot.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
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Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
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I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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