I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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