it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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