yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
