guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
