I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
