i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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