Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
