I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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