im drinking this country out of the recession.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Found the puke drawer
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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