Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i think i just lost a toe
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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