Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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