I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
