How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize