I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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