I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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