He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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