Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
