you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
