I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
