At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
