Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And then my night got REAL pukey
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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