New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
