I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
