I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
