what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
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before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
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My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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