i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
