I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
