There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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