i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
