So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
