Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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